Best. Birthday. Ever. Part II

This morning there was a bitter wind. The local "storm center" station said it felt like 18 degrees outside. I could hear snowplows and sanders on the roads and, when I looked outside, no one was clearing their frozen cars or walking to get a paper. Perfect time to go out and finish my RAOK.

I had a great idea as soon as I opened my eyes about how to complete the last RAOK and wanted to go right out and do it. I put on my sweats and my fleece and headed out to chip the ice off my car door. Once my poor little car was warmed up and de-iced I completed the last few acts of kindness in under an hour, including 5 stops.

But I'm not telling you what I did.

I will tell you that it involved a token of thanks for people who serve our town: first-responders, clergy and a community support center. The token was an obvious goodwill gesture and did not involve any unmarked backpacks on public benches that could worry someone. It was a token that could be shared by several people. It was left where it would be safe, seen easily by the recipients and had a ribbon card added so they knew why it was there. (I was originally hoping I would see one of these people out shoveling but they were up even earlier than me!)

The last step in my RAOK is to write a short journal about it and send it to Sandy Hook. Another good friend who also did a kindness for each victim gave me this idea. Newtown says they are awash in more teddy bears and paper snowflakes than they can handle. But I'm hoping a short card of what was done for their loved one, without identifying myself, can be another tiny piece of comfort in the coming years.

And so ends the first "act" of my 45. That leaves 44 acts and 363 days. I am adding countdown widgets to my blog page as soon as I figure out how as soon as I can. 

I am gratified by the encouragement and for the friends who told me they were moved by yesterday's post. I would like to say a little about the response I have received from my online and real world circle. It has been incredibly positive. And it is worth noting that when I was blogging about my intentions I had very little response, which was expected. I only made this public, as I have said many times, to get others to join me or at least think about it. But once I acted and accomplished  people were liking and sharing and commenting and joining my new Facebook page. I think that's what people like to see, someone acting on their intentions, ambitions and goals and not just doing them lip service. Walk the walk to inspire others, don't just talk the talk.

Many also didn't realize I was really going to DO something with this project. One good friend confessed something tonight. He said that when I first told him about the challenge he thought  45 was a pretty low bar. He was picturing me holding the door for the elderly, dropping a dollar in the donation jar at the Starbucks counter, and felt I could do better. But now he understands I am challenging myself, trying for more than the convenient, and know I can do better.

As a postscript, I mentioned in yesterday's post that I took a break from the RAOKs to have a birthday lunch with my family. On the way, we drove by a woman standing in the snow with a shopping cart filled with bags of stuff, her "mobile home". I suggested we stop and offer her an RAOK when another woman pulled over, approached her and offered her something. The woman with the shopping cart was resistant but eventually convinced. I'm pretty sure that was a RAOK for Sandy Hook, or just for the sake of kindness. We are a brigade. A movement. A force. Let's not stop now.

Best.Birthday.Ever. Part I

I awoke this morning at 6:30 thinking, "I am still 44 until 11:00 am-ish". Then I remembered I was born in another hemisphere so if I'm going with that logic I turned 45 yesterday. I went back to sleep.

A little later I got myself out of bed and dressed, excited to start my challenge. I began by putting together my Random Acts of Kindness in memory of the Sandy Hook School victims. I had planned several RAOKs about 8 weeks ago based on the example of The Birthday Project, the inspiration for my challenge. But the Newtown tragedy and the resulting 26acts campaign started by Ann Curry of NBC News changed the focus. 

I printed out my RAOK cards and added green ribbons to each. After finding out my green ribbon had been absconded. And going across the street to buy more at the card store. No good deed goes unpunished.

(Yeeeessss, I could have just printed the ribbon logo on the cards but I am a compulsive devoted crafter and it was impossible for me at a molecular level to not embellish the cards. Not that it mattered to what I was doing one iota.)

Then I added a voucher to the first 20, the ones I had planned early in December. The cards for those vouchers noted that if it could not be used by the recipient, please pass it on. The last few were for spontaneous acts and did not have that note.

An example of the card I used today.

Since I want these acts to remain semi-anonymous I will not be publicizing exactly what I did or where with all of them. So I will be telling you more about the impressions and reactions. 

My first stop was a local coffee shop, a location just off the highway where a lot of travelers stop in. I am a closet shy person hidden by a facade of gregariousness and exhibitionism. So I was shaking when I approached the door.

There were 5 people in line and sitting at tables. They were mostly older people and one man who sat alone looked like he was there to stay somewhere warm. I approached the person start of the line and went down the queue handing out the first 5 cards, wishing them "Good morning and happy new year!" Most people didn't look up and just said, "You, too." or "Happy new year." Then they looked down at the card with the ribbon and, a beat or two after I moved on, realized what it was. The cashier said, "Isn't that sweet!" and most of the people smiled and said "Happy new year!" as I walked out, fast, after dropping the last card. I had done it and not tripped, walked into a door, or confused anyone. Yay!

Across the street I spotted two city police officers in cruisers talking. I drove into the same lot, parked a bit away and carefully approached and waved the cards, smiling. The female officer closest to me lowered her window and I explained what I was doing, thanking them for their service. I handed them cards and she passed one to the male officer in the other car, and they really appreciated the thought. I had been hoping to have the opportunity to thank a first-responder considering how many of their counterparts were affected by what they saw in Sandy Hook. 

I moved on to 4 other local gathering places, repeating my actions. In one, a woman said she didn't need to be given anything, she worked there. I asked her is she would like to pass it on, her face brightened and she agreed. When I was left with just an individual voucher, I went through the drive-through and asked the cashier to give it to the next car. She knew exactly what it was before she even looked at it, this was not her first RAOK transfer. 

To summarize the the first part of the day, some people saw the green ribbon and knew what I was doing right away. Others gave me a polite smile that said, "hand my your advertising and leave". (I know that smile, I perfected that smile.) They most likely did not realize what it was until I walked away. I hope it gave them all a real smile and maybe they passed it on or did an act themselves today, I will never know. Some people may not have cared, may ignore it, or may be angry I made them think about the tragedy. I hope not. I hope it was a pleasant moment.

That was 20.

Then came the harder ones, the ones that I had not prepared. I wanted to use this to push the envelope for myself and think on my feet, look for opportunities. I will be more detailed about these, hoping there is no connection between those who see this and the recipients.

After a lunch with my husband and daughters and a stop home, I went back out to complete my mission. However, it was now snowing, Nothing a New Englander in all wheel drive couldn't handle but it made for slow going and not very many people out and about. 

I stopped in a hardware store. I saw two men in flannels, possibly father and son, struggling with a bag of ice melt that was leaking crystals all over the check out. They looked like they needed some cheering up. I bought a gift card, turned and handed it to them to pay for part of their purchase and gave them a ribbon card. I wished them a happy new year and took off. They seemed a little confused, as did the cashier who I paid and was helping them, but I think they figured it out later. I hope they did!

So that was 21. 

The snow was coming down in big, fluffy flakes now and stopping at lights was getting slippery. But I passed the truck stop on the way home and saw lots of tractor trailers lining up for the night. They have a gas station and convenience store for travelers, but the back has showers for rent to the drivers who sleep in the cabs. I thought, a hot shower is pretty much just what I would want  when ending a night driving miles in the snow. So I stopped in and purchased two showers and left them two cards to give to the next two truckers. The cashier told me it was very nice of me, but I thought it did me even more good than it will them. 

So that was 23.

At that point in the evening I had to meet my family for dinner. The snow was still coming down. I decided to wait to finish the last few tomorrow. A friend suggested I send emails or make phone calls to complete my task and that's a good idea. But my goal was to be random, approach strangers, hand them the card with the ribbon and a name of a victim to show they are remembered and matter. And I don't think kindness has a deadline, so I am OK with it.

So, this is only Part I of my birthday RAOK. 

So This Is Christmas And What Have You Done?

So this is Christmas / And what have you done / 

Another year over / And a new one just begun 

- "Happy Christmas (War Is Over)" by John Lennon

Every year, for as long as I can remember, I have heard that song at Christmas. It came out in 1971, which means I have been hearing it annually for 40 years. (Did that fact make you feel old? Because typing it made me feel old.)

Political meanings aside that line, with its "what have you done?", makes me reflect on the past year. I'm sure I'm not recalling all my good moments, and probably imagining some regrets. And I always seem to end up wanting to have done more.

I'm not alone, if social media is any indication. Before the last piece of pie was eaten yesterday my Facebook friends were posting about resolutions. One new trend is picking a verb to describe your goals for 2013. I tried to use "Sedentary" but the grammar police told me it was an adjective. So I will pick, "Accomplish". 

As I said in my inaugural post, I am not great at the follow through. I also tend to make unrealistic to do lists. My commitment to this personal challenge and public announcement of it means I cannot fall back on bad habits. I will not be making a list of resolutions for 2013. While there are certainly things I hope to learn and do, my only resolution will be to accomplish all of my 45 acts of charity in my 45th year. 

Two posts ago I made a list of 20 countdown items to December 29th. The holidays have been busier than expected and I did not publish the list but I have kept up with it within a day or two. I am prepared for the kick off. I created a binder where all my challenge information is on hand so I do not lose track. And I have recruited several people and a few businesses that will be helping these charitable acts get done. So I have accomplished that much so far.

You will also have noticed my blog has a new theme. I learned that I would need letterhead to request donations so I decided to give my challenge a logo. Nothing fancy. But I accomplished it. 

I hope your holiday, whatever it was, was a good one. I also wish for you a 2013 filled with accomplishments.

And so this is Christmas / I hope you have fun /  

The near and the dear one /The old and the young

A Tiny Voice In A Great Roar

Usually by December 15th, I am walking around in one of my several holiday themed hats (including one with elf ears), singing Christmas songs loud enough for people next to me in the stores to hear and generally embarrassing my daughters in public with my obvious holiday spirit. The house should be covered in wrapping paper, crafts, ribbon, and cookies. This year, it just doesn't feel right.

As you all know, December 14th changed the holiday season forever for many families in and around Newtown, CT. I first heard the radio broadcast of a school in lock down early in the morning and over the next few hours small and large facts, truths and speculation emerged. The news traveled the globe in minutes and friends were receiving calls from relatives in other countries asking if their children were OK.

I had seen these horrific events unfold before on the news. But this was close to home. And by that evening I learned I knew people with children, cousins, friends who left the building minutes before the shooting, or lived through the shooting. Or knew someone who lost a child.

On December 15th we all awoke hoping it had been a terrible nightmare. Many of us turned to social media and news broadcasts to discuss, update, post memorial photos and prayers. I am usually one of them, but I was not handling the emotions well. I largely avoided the details for the first few days and continue to do so as much as possible. I am so lucky to have that option. There are 26 families that can't avoid the reality of their loss. And many, many more whose loved ones came home but have witnessed unimaginable evil and lost an innocence that cannot be regained.

My 45 Acts of Charity In My 45th year now has an added purpose. We need the good in this world to triumph over evil. We need to show people who have lost faith in hope that it is there, waiting. So, in my little tiny corner of the world I will add my little tiny voice to others big and small and try to make a great roar.

And you know what, I think that means I should go put on my elf-eared hat and sing carols out loud in public. And I will do it with a heavy place in my soul when I think of the mothers and fathers who have no heart to do the same this year. I sing for them.

In the spirit of this and my project, here is information on funds that support the families and victims of the Sandy Hook shooting. I have chosen the general funds that help with short- and long-term counseling and costs associated with the final arrangements. There are also other, specific funds in the names of some of the victims or started by individuals, that can be found online and all are worthy of your support. When you choose to donate, please, be sure it is going to a legitimate fund and for a specific area of need.

Newtown Memorial Fund - Short term goal of assisting with final arrangement expenses, long term goal of a physical memorial and a scholarship fund for the students.
http://newtownmemorialfund.org

Danbury Hospital - Coordinating 24-7 hour crisis intervention services.
https://1460.thankyou4caring.org/

"My Sandy Hook Family Fund" - Started by residents of Newtown to offset the immediate expenses of the victim's families, a very practical and needed effort.
https://www.everribbon.com/ribbon/view/10076

UCONN's Sandy Hook Memorial Scholarship Fund - an easy way to donate by text, and a great fund.
http://today.uconn.edu/blog/2012/12/uconn-establishes-memorial-scholarship-to-honor-victims-of-newtown-school-shootings/

A side note, the American Red Cross provided blood for the injured. I am so glad to have donated twice this year, even if it went to a need elsewhere. The Red Cross is now asking not for blood donations but that you support a fund that helps support the community of Sandy Hook as they will be focusing their efforts there.

Two unidentified parishioners lower their church flag to half-mast in Milford, CT early on the morning of December 15th. Places of worship were overflowing all weekend.

20 Days to 45 Countdown...

There are just under 3 weeks left until the kick off of my official year of charitable acts. Of course, I am not waiting until then to do my usual bit for mankind. I have donated hats and gloves to a warm clothing drive, I have helped my daughter purchase toys for her Christmas Stocking drive at school. I also have given blood to the Red Cross again. But these are the items normally on my list.

So, to get geared up for doing more, I have created a countdown list from today until 12/28 to prepare for my 45th year. Today's task:

"See Maggie at Maggie's Place about supporting the Operation Write Home Card Making Day" Maggie's Place is a lovely little crafting space owned by, you guessed it, Maggie. Today she held an open house in her new location so I went down to congratulate her. I took the opportunity to mention the Operation Write Home card making event, which she had seen on Facebook. She has a class scheduled that day but was happy to promote the event and ask crafters to donate cards to the cause! So my follow up task is to print the card criteria for her and give her details. Upcoming countdown tasks are to make lists of organizations, prep for the card making day, solicit donations from businesses, design a logo and make some Pinterest pins. (C'mon, some of it has to be fun!) :)

Hurri-Nor'-Tropi-Super-Storm Sandy

On August 28, 2011, Hurricane Irene came to our little city, then was downgraded to a tropical storm. But not before taking most of our shoreline with it - houses, sidewalks, beaches, etc. On October 29, 2011 we had an unusual Nor'easter that resulted in heavy snowfall that took down tress and wires. Basically, we had n power in much of the state, and in my area, for weeks.

On October 29, 2012, in a bit of de ja vu, we just experienced Superstorm Sandy - a Hurricane and Nor'easter that met over the East Coast. Many of the areas that were, or are still being, rebuilt were damaged again. We were very lucky in my neighborhood - we had trees on wires but they didn't come down and we never lost power. The most we had to deal with was a lack of internet, cell service, DVR and On Demand for a day. I still had coffee and my family was safe in their own house.

But just a mile or two down the road the street was flooded and entire houses were destroyed by sea surges and downed trees. A week later, there are still some areas without power. And now they are predicting snow for Wednesday (though it may not reach us here, fingers crossed!). 

And we have it easy compared to Staten Island, Manhattan and the New Jersey Shore. My daughter attends college in New Jersey and came home for the weekend the Friday before the storm. She ended up home for 10 days and just went back tonight by car...the trains and subways are still not fully operational. I read that the subway in NYC had water to the ceilings and suffered the worst damage in it's 100 year history. 

Many people in the storm-damaged areas in Connecticut and all along the coast need supplies from water and food to blankets and clothing.

Please consider volunteering to hand out supplies, help rebuild or donate by text or online at Redcross.org, the United Way, or the reputable charity of your choice.

Image of damaged home on Melba ave, Milford, CT from Ctpost.com.

So, What Exactly Do You Think You're Doing?

Since I made this, my personal challenge, public I have received very positive and encouraging feedback from my friends and family. And questions. The most often asked question is, what kind of charitable acts are you going to do?

My short answer is, "Somewhere above holding the door for the guy behind me and somewhere below sponsoring a wing at the hospital!". But it did make me think that I should establish some basic criteria for myself. And to let others know exactly what I am trying to accomplish.  

1. The charitable act must not benefit me monetarily or in merchandise. Now this may seem obvious, but since I entered this mindset I see charitable requests everywhere I go. And many of them offer something in return for your giving. At a donation center they offer tax receipts. I saw a canned food donation box that offered a coupon to the store sponsoring the event in return for your pasta sauce drop-off. Or maybe there is a free gift offer or a percentage goes to charity but you are left with an item in your possession. This is a perfectly acceptable and proven way to stimulate donations and fundraising. However, for my personal challenge, I do not want to acquire. On the other hand I don't want to limit my options. So, if I do choose a charitable act that makes such an offer, I will gladly accept it and then pass that bonus off to another charity or person in need.
2. The charitable act must be more than the minimum I have done. As I wrote in my first post, I know what my comfort level of giving has been - I do volunteer for events, I do make donations of food and toys at the holidays at convenient drop off points, leave a few dollars in the buckets outside the grocery store over the year, attend fundraisers or enter charity raffles for the price of the ticket. For this project I will challenge myself to do more than my comfort level, giving of time and talent and effort above what might be convenient.
3. The charitable act must be counted from the start to end time as one act. I was asked this specific question and put a lot of thought into the answer. I may donate or volunteer to the same cause more than once during the year. I also have a goal to join a planning committee for an event during the year. So, for example, each Red Cross blood drive I attend would count as one act towards the 45 for the year. A committee that meets multiple times and culminates in an event would be considered as one act towards the 45 for the year.

That's it. Three criteria. No reason to make it complicated or hard to do, that's opposite of the point!

I have already begun choosing some events and I am sponsoring one myself for Operation Write Home, which provides hand made cards for the troops to send to their families. Please see my new Charitable Events Calendar page. This page will be updated as events are planned! And a Pinterest page is coming soon!

45. Forty Five. Forty-five. Forty-five.

45. Forty Five. Forty-five. Forty-five. No matter how I write it, it doesn't get to be any smaller a number. It's not old, not young, just middle-aged. And I will be that number in 67 days. What have I done in the last 45 years? What have I accomplished that really mattered and changed someone else's world for the better?

I have raised two daughters who want to make the world a better place. I am not the perfect parent but my girls are good kids responsible young ladies who have an excellent moral compass (and a better one than I had at their age). I have overcome challenges in my life and I hope I have been an example for them of how to do the same. And they know how to clean a bathroom, which has improved my daughter's first year in a college dorm. And her roommate's.

But what have I done to reach out my hand and help someone else out of their challenging situation? I have participated in fundraisers, from time and talents to monetary donations to walking a route for diseases. I have listened and advised (solicited and unsolicited!) when my friends had roadblocks in their lives. But it was the minimum I could do. 

Since my birthday is so close to the New Year, a traditional time of reflection on what we've done and can do better, I tend towards making sweeping changes in my life. Lose 50 pounds! Save a million dollars! Stop biting my nails! Exercise 5 times a week! Some happen, some don't. (I'm not always good at the goal-follow-through thing.) But this is a sort-of milestone year and I felt I could do better. Why are these changes always about what I can do for me? I think I would feel a lot better about me if I'm doing more for others.

Inspired by an article in the Ladies Home Journal November 2012 issue that mentioned The Birthday Project (thebdayproject.com) I have decided on a course of action. 

This coming year will be the 45 Acts Of Charity In My 45th Year. This is my personal goal. I considered doing this anonymously and without fanfare because it is not about me, although it is for me. However, if I can bring another person (or a crowd) along with me then I am doing more than just one pair of hands can accomplish. 

So, I invite you to follow along, play the home version of our game! If I donate a bag of groceries to my local shelter, you can, too, no matter where you live. If I visit a nursing home, you can come with me in flesh or spirit and cheer up someone lonely or bored, even if you are in another state or country. If I go to a blood drive and top them off a pint, so can you. And if you do, I hope you will let me know and tell me how it affected your life.

My first step is to plan or join some events. So here I go!....

Liza